Change

A few weeks ago, I moved back to East Lansing. It was a rough day, because I had to move my stuff into my room by myself, and I wasn't super excited to be moving back in the first place. I think it was just overwhelming to think that senior year was actually happening, and that things were going to be a little different this year. I've never really done well with change. Even when I was a little girl, my parents told me that I used to get upset when we did things differently than what I was used to.

As I was lugging my things up and down the stairs and was struggling and dropping things all over the place, I finally sat down on my un-made bed and started to cry. I think it was a combination of things, but this idea of change, and things being different has really never sat well with me. I know that this year, there's so much "un-known" that I don't know about, that I'm going to need to trust the Lord with. There are so many securities that I've had in the past that I can't run to anymore - again, with this whole trust thing. I know that I've never had to trust the Lord as much as I'm going to have to trust Him with this year. It's going to be a process. I think it's going to be really cool. I'm just glad He's a very patient God.

Since that first day, I'd say that it's been quite a rollercoaster of emotions. I've been excited and nervous as preparation for the year have come into play, and then when it actually began last Wednesday, I'm not sure if it actually hit me. I don't think it's actually hit me yet. There's been quite a few times when I've wished I could be fifteen again because I don't want to grow up, but then there's also been times when I've been so excited because I love West Circle, and God's already working. One of my best friends came and visited earlier in the week who'll be leaving for a year-long internship out of the country. It was so good to visit with her, but so hard with the goodbyes, and again, especially the change.

That first day I moved up to school I was walking by West Circle and had my ipod on and the song "Revelation Song" came on. I feel like God really used that song to remind me of His sovereignty. The lyrics of the chorus are:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings. You are my Everything, and I will adore You."

I feel like God was trying to tell me that yes, the world and everything in it constantly change. This is a fact. In fact eventually all things in this world will pass away (Matt. 24:35). But, He is constant, God never changes, and His love is neverending. This hit me hard, and I was comforted, because I know that in essence through everything, the Lord is the One I can always run to and He's never changing, unlike everything else in this world. I love it. The change in my life is okay. It's good, and I'll get used to it - because it's God's plan, and people need to hear the Good News.

I'm reading Acts right now, and I'm so encouraged by the Apostles, how they consistantly perservere, that in times when the "stuff" gets in their way, they constantly find a way back to the root of why they're actually living, and what their sole purpose is/was. They were pursuers of men and women, helping to carry out the word of God and watching it all unfold. They were faithful, and relentless, and true soldiers of the Lord, knowing what it truly meant to live for the sake of the Gospel and give nothing less than to love Jesus, and love people.

I often wonder what my life would look like, or how it would look differently if I lived it in this way, and trusted Him in this way. Far too often I find myself and my mind wrapped around the "stuff" of my life. And when I think about it truly, people's lives - people's souls are just far too important and fragile for me to be thinking about myself. My life and "stuff" doesn't nearly compare or ever matter, because I already know the Truth, and so many more need to hear it. I need to be less selfish.

I want nothing less than to be used by You as Your instrument, to bring You glory, and to help spread Your word throughout the world, and throughout campus. This is my prayer.