If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the Boat

It's all starting tomorrow. I don't know what to expect, and at this point everytime I think about how much I don't have any clue as to what is going on in my life anymore, the more anxious I become. What happened to all the plans? What happened to the simplicity of getting a degree and finishing school? Obviously God's got another plan. I guess what I'm learning is that even when I do have something in mind, God has something in mind too, and that isn't always in alignment with what I might want or think is right. And, either He's making it absolutely clear to me now that He wants me to do something different, or He's seeing if I'll put my trust in Him. Maybe He's seeing if I'll actually have a little initiative... a little bit of faith like Peter did, and test those waters and step foot out of the boat, and trust that my Savior is going to catch me and cover me. A good friend recommended that I read a book called, If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the Boat. At the point of life I'm at right now, I thought it might be interesting.

There's a part that struck me. In Mark's version of the story of Peter, it says that Jesus "meant to pass by them." (Mark 6:48) In this book, the author points out that "to pass by" is used in the Greek Translation of the Old Testament, and this is what it means: Defining moments when God made "striking and temporary appearances in the earthly realm to a select individual or group for the purpose of communicating a message."

"'God put Moses in a cleft in a rock so Moese could see 'while my glory passes by.' ...The Lord passed before him."
God told Elijah to stand on the mountain "for the Lord is about to pass by."
There is a pattern to these stories. In each case God had to get people's attention - through a burning bush, or wind and fire, or walking on the water. With each person God was going to call them to do something extraordinary. In each situation the person that God called felt afraid. But every time that people said "yes" to their calling, they experienced the power of God in their lives."

Right now, I'm afraid for what is to come. I'm not really sure what God's doing, and it doesn't feel good in the least bit. I think that one thing I'm learning right now is that when I'm in the valley, it's when God's doing the most work. When I'm humbled, it's when God can do the most work - and He's going to follow through and eventually show me what's going on. I just have to wait, and keep clinging to what I know is true about Him.


Father, my prayer in all of this is that you protect my heart and make it joyful to glorifly you. In the midst of it all, make me joyful and overflow with happyness so that the love of Christ shines through me, so that others can see you. That is what you call us to do. Paul did it. You sent your son, and HE did it... the greatest gift of all... and now I am here for that reason, to share that goodness - in sickness... in health... in suffering... in pain... in mountaintops, and in valleys. Lord, you are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Ps. 32:7) Fix my eyes on you.

This is what your word says...

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
(Isaiah 43:19)

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
(Psalm 25:1-5)

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
(Psalm 25:20-21)

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:7)

So Father, help me believe it all... to forget the lies and believe the truth, and to trust that you are with me. This is my prayer. My hope is in You.

Back to the land of Green and White

So today's it... in a couple hours I'm heading back to school to start another semester - my sixth semester at MSU... where things are complicated, and I have no idea where my path is leading. I've enjoyed these last four weeks of rest and carefree living. I guess life can't be put on hold forever...
I'm scared out of my mind. I have no idea what to expect at all. All of the things I have to do - people I have to talk to, and different options I now have to weigh and make decisions on... I have no desire to do any of it. Part of me wants to run. I know He has a plan in the midst of it all, but that doesn't make any of this feel any better or any less scarier. I'm twenty-one years old and my world has been turned upside-down. MOst people know at least what they're going to get their degree in by now. Without the faintest idea, because of constant roadblocks, it's just so discouraging. And the biggest question is, how am I going to bring my Father glory in the midst of all of this? I need to. I'm called to do it. He is worthy of it. I need to pray for it.

Abba, I just need you to fill me in with all of this, somehow. I know you will, but please, do it quickly because I seriously feel like I'm drowning in it all. Help me not to freak out... Right now I'm freaking out. You know how scared to death I am of this, and you know how much I've been trying to avoid even the slightest thoughts of any of this. Keep me in your arms. I don't want to do this, but I know that I have to. Keep me safe... "Let me not be put to shame." (Ps. 25)
Keep showing me that your love is enough.
My hope is in you.

I am BLESSED

Last night I spent two and a half hours writing in my journal of ways that I am blessed. There are many, and so I thought I'd share, because the Lord is good, and He never fails to show this...


*I have a healthy, loving family

*My parents are christians, they raised me this way, and even though I didn't quite grasp it till later, I still heard about Jesus, knew that He loved me somehow, and I grew up going to church every Sunday

*I go to college - a university, and I stand in the 1-percentile of college-aged students in the world who actually get this opportunity.

*I am part of a wonderful organization in Cru... where I have never quite experienced fellowship like this before - whos mission is to truly "go forth" and share Jesus with those around us, whether that be on campus, in our homes, in our communities, in our classes, at work, around the United States, and around the world - wherever that may be.

*I am absolutely blessed to live in West Circle - to have the sisters I do, to be able to experience the Body of Christ in the way that I am able to - it has been incredible. I am truly blessed.

*Life Group - growing in Christ as a small group of girls

*Discipleship - Learning more how to share faith, learning what it means to love and pour into others

*Worship Team - Learning what it truly means to help lead people into the presence of God... we're not "just musicians," but used as God's instruments/His tools...
*Having the opportunity to learn what it means to truly worship Him while being on the worship team, learning to completely surrender and not think of playing worship music as a perfect "performance," but rather - a song of praise to the Father, who deserves all praise and is worthy of all praise.

*Christmas Conferene - Having the opportunity to go and hear the different speakers and listening to the different things God was saying through them; getting the opportunity to share the Gospel for the first time; getting the opportunity to go into Indianapolis and share Christ's love with the people that lived there - the people that so desperately need to hear His voice and know that there is Hope; being able to meet with God at a time in m life where I feel very lost and confused with what I should do with it... being surrounded by my closest friends and sisters, and being able to worship our Father with 2,500 others around Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois - so amazing!

*Having the Hope of Jesus Christ in my life. Knowing that despite my insufficiencies, and in spite of all of my fears and failures and all my sins, He's always going to love me. Knowing that I'm going to always fall short in everything I do, but it's okay because Jesus fills up those gaps that I leave empty. Knowing that right now, I have absolutely no idea what He is doing in my life, or with my life. But all I can do right now is wait, and with His Hope, just know and expect that whatever it is, it's going to be awesome, and it's going to be just right... becuase it's going to be what He wants for my life. Whatever He's got planned, it will all make sense one day, and my heart will be in the right place - just as my Creator... my God created it to be.


Abba, help me not to forget that I am so blessed! You have given me so much, including the greatest gift, which is your son... the gift of everlasting life. What greater gift of love than this? And now, you as me to wait. Help me to be patient. Help me to hold on to your simple truths - You've got this all under control - You're in the boat with me - You're not gunna leave my side - You love me - You're God and I can't possibly understand everything You do - You love me... Your love is everlasting.

*So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the theings that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)