Only Hope

My heart is so full. I've never felt this close to Him. I continue to fall in love with Jesus each day, and He continues to show me the kind of love that only He is able to provide.


Lord, I love you. Thank you for giving me this life and choosing me to shine for you and to share You. I am at a loss for words.


Theres a song thats inside of my soul
Its the one that Ive tried to write over and over again
Im awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now youre my only hope

Sing to me the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing
and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours
I pray to be only yours
I know now youre my only hope

I give You my apathy
Im giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs Im giving it back

Desert Song

It's at times like today when I need to rely on Him the most. I don't have much energy, and I feel like it's been a really long, even though I've only had two classes today.

She doesn't understand anything. I thought my relationship with her would strengthen when I went to college, especially since I'm a lot older now. But I'm a junior now, and even the thought of going home on the weekends isn't attractive anymore. So I find my comfort and safety net here, and where people actually undertand and know where my heart is. I'm not discouraged from doing things like bible study, and real life, and sharing... Doesn't she get it? Doesn't she know that I - we were not put here for ourselves, but to live for other people? God's called me to do ministry - to go sharing in the dorms and to shine for Christ's love upon other people. She taught me this, and for the first time I actually understand it, and am sincerely seeking after God and His will. I'm trying to put others before myself, and I am trying to have an eternal perspective on anything that I do. And for the first time, God has given me an incredible sense of peace about my future, and the unknown, and I'm so excited for this school year (for the first time!!!!) But she's constantly looking down at me and overlooking everything I do. I know I need to make money. And I understand how crucial this semester is for the college of ed. and advanced standing. But I also know that if I scrifice things to do ministry, and if I'm truly seeking after waht God wants for me, then He is going to provide everything else that I need. I get it, but why doesn't she? Why doesn't she trust that our God isn't going to let anything stand in the way of His plan? Why doesn't she trust that He won't let anything stop me from finishing the plans He has for me? I need patience.

The doctor called today. Apparently all my test results were "normal." I'm a little discouraged. I was almost hoping that something would have shown up abnormally, so they could treat it, and these migraines would go away. But I just have to keep trusting. At the end of the day, He is still good. He is still in contol. And, He still loves me. I know this in my heart, and nothing will ever take that away.

I might be struck down, but I'm definitely not defeated, because I know the plans my God has for me are great. I know He has a plan to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. I know that the rewards of heaven will be great and I need to be here right now and endure it. I must live life to the fullest, and I just need to keep seeking after Him. I won't let the father of lies have control over my thoughts and mind again. I'll keep fighting.

Father, ease my frustration and give me patience. Help me to trust more. Thank you for being there always. Thank you for being my rock and the one that will never fail me. Thank you for your comfort.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
-2 Corinthians 4:7-9

Your Love is Amazing!!!!!

God is so good. God is so good. God is sooooo good!!!!

YOU are soooooooo good!!!!



:-)

That was a little scattered and very open-ended. Let me explain...

Two years ago, I came to MSU. I hated it here. I was homesick. I went home every weekend. I had no friends. I had grown up in a christian home, but suddenly He didn't even seem real. Doubts and thoughts and horror-filled questions flooded my mind all the time. I was depressed, and lost. I was without hope. I thought all was lost

Later in the year, that hope was renewed. 2 of my sisters in Christ decided to share the gospel with me even thought I had heard it a million times. Another sister decided to pour her life into mine. She showed me the love of Christ. I liked MSU. I wasn't homesick anymore. I didn't know the answers yet, but at least I knew there was something - someone there that had created the world, and had created me.

Last year God showed me His love and what community really means. He showed me what the body really is. He revealed Himself to me and I understood who He was for the first time. I made a commitment to follow Him all the days of my life.

This summer He showed me His wisdom. I've never felt closer.

This week He continues to amaze me. I stand here today in absolute awe of what my loving father can do. He competely transformed my life and I stand here today SAVED BY GRACE because HE LOVES ME!!! I am on fire for Him and am continuing to fall in love with Him every single day. And now, I can't wait to show the world His love - to be a disciple of Him and share the Gospel of Grace.

God's moving in amazing ways.

This is why I boldy say, YOU are SO good God!!! God, THANK YOU for loving me!! THANK YOU for being in control of everything that ever goes on EVER in this world!! Thank you for choosing to love me, and for choosing to send your son to die so that the sin that separates me from you can be cut in half, so that I can STILL live with you even though I am messy and will continue to be messy. Lord, you are amazing.

YOUR love is AMAZING!!!

*

My heart and my soul, I give you control. Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let JUSTICE and PRAISE, become my EMBRACE. To love you from the inside out, Lord.

New Year

So in about 20 minutes I'm going to be heading off to my first class of the school year... I can hardly believe it. 4 months of summer, and 4 months of waiting for it all to start again, and it's finally here.

This weekend two good friends that graduated in May came up to visit/surprise us. It was really good to see them. When they left yesterday, it hit me for the first time that they're not going to be around this year. At first I was really sad. I hate gooodbyes a lot... I hate the idea of not knowing when you're going to see a person again, and I don't like the idea of not seeing them on a regular basis... random visits in the dorm... in the music building... bible study... Real Life on Thursday nights... movie nights on Fridays... church on Saturday nights... etc.

I realized that this year is going to be a lot different than ones in years past. My junior year in high school is when I had this feeling - this feeling of being older and for things to be different. Only this time, I am excited for the change. I'm excited to see God work. Although I have to admit that it is a little bit scary, and I don't really know what I'm doing... I know that ultimately, God is going to be standing here right by my side, and through Him I can do anything because He gives me strength. All of the unknowns about the future, and all the apprehensiveness of being bold and living foolishly for Him... I know that He has it all. His sovereignty is so great that I don't even have to worry about everything, because I know that my loving father has everything under control, and nothing... not anything is ever too much or too big for my God to handle.

So, it's going to be a different year. Different, but good. I'm going to miss them, and seeing some of the people that I've seen here since I walked on to campus for the first time two years ago. But I am so excited to reach out to these new freshman. I'm excited to show them that there is a Hope far beyond this world that will always give them rest, and will fulfill their hearts more than anything ever could. I'm determined and motivated to shine for Jesus and to show them Jesus so that their first year here will be amazing.

There are 40 freshman on my floor this year. God is so good.

Here's to another year... here's to new beginnings and steps of faith.

Surrendering

Therefore in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! Fo if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourseves fighting against God.
-Acts 5:38 & 39

This is incredible. And it's so true. If anything is of human origin and of human will, then it will fail! But if anything is of God and of His will, then nothing will ever be able to stop it. I love looking in Acts and seeing how faithful the Apostles were. It's incredible to watch how they were persecuted against, yet they remained so faithful and so true to God and His will, and His plan. I want to live a life so foolish for God, that I never have a question or doubt in my mind of what He is capable of doing. I want to live as faithful as the Apostles did, so that those around me can not see who I am, but they can see Christ shining through. I want to live my life for Him in a way that I never have before.

Abba, I surrender. I trade my life, all I have, for all you are. All love and sovereignty is in you, and you alone. For the rest of my life, take this body, and take my entire life, so that I love you first, serve you first, and live for you first. Father you are moving in some incredible ways, and I just know that you have big things planned, and I am so excited to see your plan carried out. Lord, you are incredible. Thank you for giving me this life - this life to live for you.

Ragamuffins

When I graduated from high school a little over two years ago, I was scared. When people told me that college would be the four (or five!!) best years of my life, I didn't believe them. When I was told that I would meet my true, lifelong friends, I didn't think that it was possible, because I already had plenty of friends, who liked me for who I was. When I was told that college would be an immense time of growth in my faith, at that point I thought all was lost, and everything was hopeless. I didn't believe them. I didn't believe that every one of these would turn out to be true.

There's a couple things wrong with the paragraph above. If I count the times that I used the word "I," it's used way too many times. When I count the times that I was making the judgment of how college would turn out, as well as my future, I made every single wrong accusation. I stand here humbly today, and I can say that I was wrong about everything then. I had no idea of the plans God had for me, or the depths of His love that would allow me to run back into His arms once again. I stand here today as a completely transformed, renewed daughter of Christ, and I cannot wait for what this year holds... for the lives that'll be transformed... for the freshmen that need to be reached... for new relationships, and for existing relationships to grow and dig deeper into Christ's love... for personal growth... the list could go on, but I'll stop there.

Recently God has been teaching me a lot about Grace. I'm reading this book called, "The Ragamuffin Gospel," by Brennan Manning. The point of this entire book is that we are all ragamuffins - meaning, we are all the same... and nothing that anyone does in his own power will ever earn his way into heaven. No good deed will ever open up a passageway into eternity. I'm still in the beginning, but already God has used it to absolutely change my perspective on what Grace really is. Here's a couple short excerpts from the first chapter:


At the last Judgment Christ will say to us, 'Come you also! Come drunkards! Come weaklings! Come, children of shame!' And he will say to us: 'Vile beings, you who are in the image of the beast and bear his mark, but come all the same, you as well.' And the wise and prudent will say: 'If I welcome them, you wise men, if I welcome them, you prudent men, it is because not one of them has ever been judged worthy.' And he will stretch out his arms, and we will fall at his fet, and we will cry out sobbing, and then we will understand all, we will understand the Gospel of Grace! Lord, your Kingdom come!

Through no merit of ours, but by His mercy, we have been restored to a right relationship with God through the life, death, and resurrection of His beloved Son. This is good news, the gospel of grace.

You know how you can read something - the same passage of scripture over and over again, and you can memorize the passage and refer back to it many, many times - yet for some reason at a certain point in your life, it'll just click.... a lightbulb turns on... it's almost as if God's giving you a sacred piece of treasure, a small piece of heaven for you to look after while we're here on this earth... a little bit of His wisdom to know, so that it can be shared with the whole world so that they can know who He is.

The more I obtain from the wisdom of God, the more longing I have for what is to come... for the heavenly realms... for the day that all of my brothers and sisters will be gathered there to dwell in eternity together. I have a longing to show all who don't know this wisdom, and those who don't have any Hope, so that they can know the Truth - the Truth that can, and will set them free. Ultimately, I have an incredible longing for the day that will come when God and I will walk on the same streets together, because all sin will pass away and finally, I will be able to run to my Father into His loving open arms.


"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
...revelation 21:3-4