Desert Song

It's at times like today when I need to rely on Him the most. I don't have much energy, and I feel like it's been a really long, even though I've only had two classes today.

She doesn't understand anything. I thought my relationship with her would strengthen when I went to college, especially since I'm a lot older now. But I'm a junior now, and even the thought of going home on the weekends isn't attractive anymore. So I find my comfort and safety net here, and where people actually undertand and know where my heart is. I'm not discouraged from doing things like bible study, and real life, and sharing... Doesn't she get it? Doesn't she know that I - we were not put here for ourselves, but to live for other people? God's called me to do ministry - to go sharing in the dorms and to shine for Christ's love upon other people. She taught me this, and for the first time I actually understand it, and am sincerely seeking after God and His will. I'm trying to put others before myself, and I am trying to have an eternal perspective on anything that I do. And for the first time, God has given me an incredible sense of peace about my future, and the unknown, and I'm so excited for this school year (for the first time!!!!) But she's constantly looking down at me and overlooking everything I do. I know I need to make money. And I understand how crucial this semester is for the college of ed. and advanced standing. But I also know that if I scrifice things to do ministry, and if I'm truly seeking after waht God wants for me, then He is going to provide everything else that I need. I get it, but why doesn't she? Why doesn't she trust that our God isn't going to let anything stand in the way of His plan? Why doesn't she trust that He won't let anything stop me from finishing the plans He has for me? I need patience.

The doctor called today. Apparently all my test results were "normal." I'm a little discouraged. I was almost hoping that something would have shown up abnormally, so they could treat it, and these migraines would go away. But I just have to keep trusting. At the end of the day, He is still good. He is still in contol. And, He still loves me. I know this in my heart, and nothing will ever take that away.

I might be struck down, but I'm definitely not defeated, because I know the plans my God has for me are great. I know He has a plan to prosper me and give me a hope and a future. I know that the rewards of heaven will be great and I need to be here right now and endure it. I must live life to the fullest, and I just need to keep seeking after Him. I won't let the father of lies have control over my thoughts and mind again. I'll keep fighting.

Father, ease my frustration and give me patience. Help me to trust more. Thank you for being there always. Thank you for being my rock and the one that will never fail me. Thank you for your comfort.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
-Jeremiah 29:11

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
-2 Corinthians 4:7-9