Life

Sometimes the thoughts in my head are too much and they get too jumbled up. I need to trust God with these things...

- My head hurts.

- I lost all of my keys yesterday and so far they have not turned up. There were six music school keys, my room and bathroom keys, and my car keys too... all on the same key chain. I'm trying to be patient. I'm trying to trust that they'll turn up somehow.

- I am broke. I need a job. I hope I get hired as a desk receptionist in West Circle once I turn in this application.

Being in the music school is hard, because I don't feel as "hard-core" about music as everyone else around me does. I feel like I sit in a practice room and feel awful afterwards because nothing gets accomplished and a feel like a failure when things sound bad. Sometimes it's a wonder... I can sit down at a piano for two hours at a time and just... play. But then I try and sit in the little prison-boxes in the music building, and I can't stand it more than twenty five minutes. I'm not motivated. In high school I could practice for hours. I wonder what happened. Hm.. maybe it's because my whole life, I strived and fought to be perfect and be the best at music. I'm walking with Christ now, and I know this isn't possible. Perfection isn't ever possible with music. Perfection isn't ever possible, and I embrace this. I embrace this because I know God accepts me just for who I am. How do I relate this back to music? How do I find joy in a practice room? All I want to do is ministry. I know it's possible here, in the music school but I haven't figured it out yet. It's hard. I have no motivation for school. I need to come back down to earth...

I need to ask my professor what motivates her. She loves Jesus, so I trust her.

I need to armor myself more in God's word, so I can be protected, and so I am not so easy to listen to lies and be deceived.

My head hurts.

My head hurts.

My head hurts.

My head hurts.

It's been a hard week.