I have a 10-page paper due tomorrow. I've been working on it for a week and a half. Earlier this evening, I went to go open it up on my computer, and it was completely gone. I don't know how it got deleted, but the document it was in was completely blank. There weren't any tears, because I think I was just in complete shock. So here I am at 2am... the paper should be done. On top of it, I'm applying for advanced standing tomorrow, and have a mountain of music theory homework left to do. I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. I'm exhausted and it's going to be a long night... my goodness.

Father, give me strength. I have absolutely none.

When I go down

"You give me Hope
And Hope it gives me life
You touch my heavy heart
And when you do you make it light.
As I exhale, I hear your voice
And I answer you, though I hardly make a noise
And from my lips the words I choose to say
Seem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praise
Because I love you
Oh God, I love you"

I've been sick. Almost went to the hospital last week. I'm feeling better, but it's been hard. I haven't been running to the One who'll love me always, when I need Him most. I think I've been broken down to the point where all I can do is turn to Him.

Abba, I'm in need of you. This last week has been so hard to get through. I haven't been feeling well. I've felt so sick. But Father, the beauty of you is that you've seen the pian and all the discomfort I've been going through. You've seen the tears that I've wanted to cry, and you were in the boat with me when the pain was so unbearable. Father, pull me back to you. I haven't been turning to you through this, and I just know how much you want me to. Loving Father, I am overwhelmed with how great your live is for me. Thank you for still being there, with open arms, embracing and holding me all the days of my life. I love you.


"When I go down
I lift my eyes to you
I won't look very far
'cause you'll be there
with open arms
to lift me up again."


But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy... the heaviest it's been in a long time.
God's putting things in my heart for a reason. Others, I need to give completely to Him and stop thinking about them.


Bible study last night was good. Convicting, but good.
I need to live with reckless abandon for Him.
A radical life - a life sold out for Him.
I need to not be afriad, because being afraid means I don't have enough faith. Sad... but true.

When am I going nto start living like I actually believe everything God tells me instead of just believing in some of the things He says.

Lord, you know what's on my heart. Take away the things that are there out of anxiety, and out of my lack of trust in you.

...

Sometimes all we can do is hold on to the things that we know true.

God is good. His plan is perfect. His plan is perfect. His plan is perfect...
Sometimes I just need to keep repeating that over and over again to myself.

I'm realizing more and more how precious life is, and how much I take it for granted. So often I walk round, as if I'm going to live till I'm 85, when in reality, I should never assume anything. God's the only one that knows. He's the only one that has my entire life planned out, and He is the only one who is all-knowing of these things.

God's definitely working in some strange ways right now... ways that I definitely don't understand or think are fair. I just need to keep holding on to the truth that I know... that He does everything for good. He is good. He is loving, and His plan is perfect, as much as I don't understand.

Lord, be with him. I pray that you would work a miracle. Father, keep them in your arms.

Abba, reveal your comfort. Unleash Your love so that there is no question as to who You are. Father, help them to hold on to Your Truth. Shine your light on them.