Discomfort

It's been a while.

I'm listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, and it's wonderful. I love Christmas. Since I was born in December, I think I'm natually just a sucker for Christmas music, snow, Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, Charlie Brown, sappy Christmas movies, and making Christmas cookies. I'm a Christmas bum... I'm okay with it.

Earlier this afternoon I was sitting at my laptop looking at my schedule for next semester, planning out each day of the week like I usually do, just to get a feel for what my schedge is gunna look like to see if I need to make any changes. I'm not sure what to do anymore. In figuring out my schedule for next semester and looking ahead, it just doesn't look appealing to me. It's overwhelming. I know that I've never felt secure about this major. In fact, I've always felt a bit more uneasy than sure about it. I feel as though God has shown me more about life than more about my major in these last few years. I have learned so much about the heart of God, and that there's still so much that I need to learn, and so much that I will learn in time.

In college I feel the one thing God has really revealed to me and shown me is a desire to help touch people's lives and show them that there is a hope that they don't know about - especially those that have never heard the Gospel before, or those who have never truly understood it or have been given that chance to make the decision to follow Christ, or simply - to want to learn more about Him. I feel like God has formed my character and my heart in college, way more than anything else - way more than my comfort. After all, comfort would mean that I would know exactly the path for which my life is going to follow. Comfort would mean that I would feel secure right now in my major - in music - and in my life. Comfort would mean that halfway through my junior year, and at almost 21 years old, I would have a career path definitely in sight. But if I were comfortable, would I be stretched? Would I be allowing God to be at work in my life if things always seemed to be completely under control, and if I had a glimplse of everything down the road that was going to happen? I don't think so. If I was comfortable, these monstrous migraines also wouldn't be a part of my life. Everything would be perfect.

The bottom line is that God is at constant work, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. It's okay if things don't make sense to me right now.
He promises me this:

"Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then you too will abide in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that he made to us - eternal life... eeryone who has been born of God overcomes the world." -1 John 2:24-25 & 5:4

He also says this in the Old Testament:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -Jeremiah 29:11-14

For the first time it's all making perfect sense. I have overcome this world (as uncomfortable as I feel right now), because of the incredible love of Christ, and His blood that has already been shed. But for those that don't know this same love that I do, they have not overcome the world and don't have the same joy and the same hope that I have to look forward to. And their discomfort in this world looks a lot different than mine. I guess this is why I want to show people Jesus, so that they can see that living life each day is worth it, even when it doesn't seem like it is sometimes. I guess my discomfort right now is just a mere chapter in the eternal life story that God has for me, so it's okay to not have everything figured out (because God does), and it's okay for me to be uncomfortable for a little while for His sake, so that His love might be shared.

Ultimately, He knows everything, and I do not. He is sovereign, and I am not. He knows way more about my life than I do, and He knows way more about my well-being and my heart than I do. So if He's going to rock my world right now with this major, then it's okay. Even though it looks a little bit rocky, it's going to be okay. I know I can take comfort in knowing that in the long run He's got it. And I know that if this migraine thing is still going to be persistent, then so be it. God's using it anyway, and working something out in my life and in my heart.

I know that God uses every circumstance - every aspect and everything that happens in my life for a reason. Everything that happens shapes my character, and shapes my heart for His good, pleasing, and perfect plan - and amdist the discomfort, in the long run, it's totally worth it, even though I don't understand it.

Father, guard my heart and guard my mind and show me that all I need is your love. Protect me from the father of lies as he tries to invade my heart with things that aren't true. Abba, penetrate my heart with Truth. Penetrate my heart with your love.

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough


Oh the Devil's singing over me,
an age-old song
that I am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently, over me
he's forgotten the refrain:
Jesus saves!