Let Your Love Be Enough

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You.
-Psalm 39:7

I realized how long it's been since I last wrote in here... almost four months in a couple weeks. Last time, I was in the midst of changing my major - big step of faith for me. Once I realized I had such a tight grip on my future and wasn't giving God the reigns, I knew I needed to let go and give Him full control. I knew music ed. wasn't it for me. I've known this for a long time, but just wasn't willing to step out of the boat, because I knew it would lead to the 'unknown' part of my life...

And so fast-forward to now. I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning and I can't shut my mind off. I should totally be asleep. It's already been one heck of a week, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed with everything going on around me.

Yesterday I bawled my eyes out in my car. I wore sunglasses in the store to cover my face up. And then on my way back to my dorm, I cried a lot again. I usually never cry. I find myself quite overwhelmed with everything right now. School is really difficult right now, and I'm struggling. I can't go to class when the migraines get really painful, and they've been really persistent lately. Really amazing friends are graduating, and I'm finding it really hard to grasp how things will be next year. Zambia didn't work out for this summer, and it's looking like summer projects are full now. I'm believing lies - lies that God can't use me because I have migraines. Why is it that when life seems so hard to handle, do I let it remain that way in my head, and I let myself forget who's in contol?

I need to focus on the simple truths that I know of God... that He loves me, that He's sovereign above everything that I could possibly imagine, that He looks at me and sees me as His spotless lamb, because He has washed away all of my sin - all of this crap that I keep carrying around. He really has incredible Grace for me. I keep forgetting that.

I think if anything this semester, God's definitely been teaching me how to wait and trust Him. I've never really had to rely on Him for absolutely everything in my life. Well, now I do. As I sit here - futureless without Him, graduating from college in a year with no next step in mind, going home again this summer (not the original plan...), and with the migraines as persistent as ever, I know that I absolutely need my Father more than ever. He's the only one who'll provide discernment for my next steps, and I know that He's the only one who'll provide me comfort when I need it, while I'm sitting here waiting. I just need to remember that always, because I'm so quick to forget.

Father I need you. I need Your love to cover my brokenness.

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough