Back to the land of Green and White

So today's it... in a couple hours I'm heading back to school to start another semester - my sixth semester at MSU... where things are complicated, and I have no idea where my path is leading. I've enjoyed these last four weeks of rest and carefree living. I guess life can't be put on hold forever...
I'm scared out of my mind. I have no idea what to expect at all. All of the things I have to do - people I have to talk to, and different options I now have to weigh and make decisions on... I have no desire to do any of it. Part of me wants to run. I know He has a plan in the midst of it all, but that doesn't make any of this feel any better or any less scarier. I'm twenty-one years old and my world has been turned upside-down. MOst people know at least what they're going to get their degree in by now. Without the faintest idea, because of constant roadblocks, it's just so discouraging. And the biggest question is, how am I going to bring my Father glory in the midst of all of this? I need to. I'm called to do it. He is worthy of it. I need to pray for it.

Abba, I just need you to fill me in with all of this, somehow. I know you will, but please, do it quickly because I seriously feel like I'm drowning in it all. Help me not to freak out... Right now I'm freaking out. You know how scared to death I am of this, and you know how much I've been trying to avoid even the slightest thoughts of any of this. Keep me in your arms. I don't want to do this, but I know that I have to. Keep me safe... "Let me not be put to shame." (Ps. 25)
Keep showing me that your love is enough.
My hope is in you.

I am BLESSED

Last night I spent two and a half hours writing in my journal of ways that I am blessed. There are many, and so I thought I'd share, because the Lord is good, and He never fails to show this...


*I have a healthy, loving family

*My parents are christians, they raised me this way, and even though I didn't quite grasp it till later, I still heard about Jesus, knew that He loved me somehow, and I grew up going to church every Sunday

*I go to college - a university, and I stand in the 1-percentile of college-aged students in the world who actually get this opportunity.

*I am part of a wonderful organization in Cru... where I have never quite experienced fellowship like this before - whos mission is to truly "go forth" and share Jesus with those around us, whether that be on campus, in our homes, in our communities, in our classes, at work, around the United States, and around the world - wherever that may be.

*I am absolutely blessed to live in West Circle - to have the sisters I do, to be able to experience the Body of Christ in the way that I am able to - it has been incredible. I am truly blessed.

*Life Group - growing in Christ as a small group of girls

*Discipleship - Learning more how to share faith, learning what it means to love and pour into others

*Worship Team - Learning what it truly means to help lead people into the presence of God... we're not "just musicians," but used as God's instruments/His tools...
*Having the opportunity to learn what it means to truly worship Him while being on the worship team, learning to completely surrender and not think of playing worship music as a perfect "performance," but rather - a song of praise to the Father, who deserves all praise and is worthy of all praise.

*Christmas Conferene - Having the opportunity to go and hear the different speakers and listening to the different things God was saying through them; getting the opportunity to share the Gospel for the first time; getting the opportunity to go into Indianapolis and share Christ's love with the people that lived there - the people that so desperately need to hear His voice and know that there is Hope; being able to meet with God at a time in m life where I feel very lost and confused with what I should do with it... being surrounded by my closest friends and sisters, and being able to worship our Father with 2,500 others around Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois - so amazing!

*Having the Hope of Jesus Christ in my life. Knowing that despite my insufficiencies, and in spite of all of my fears and failures and all my sins, He's always going to love me. Knowing that I'm going to always fall short in everything I do, but it's okay because Jesus fills up those gaps that I leave empty. Knowing that right now, I have absolutely no idea what He is doing in my life, or with my life. But all I can do right now is wait, and with His Hope, just know and expect that whatever it is, it's going to be awesome, and it's going to be just right... becuase it's going to be what He wants for my life. Whatever He's got planned, it will all make sense one day, and my heart will be in the right place - just as my Creator... my God created it to be.


Abba, help me not to forget that I am so blessed! You have given me so much, including the greatest gift, which is your son... the gift of everlasting life. What greater gift of love than this? And now, you as me to wait. Help me to be patient. Help me to hold on to your simple truths - You've got this all under control - You're in the boat with me - You're not gunna leave my side - You love me - You're God and I can't possibly understand everything You do - You love me... Your love is everlasting.

*So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the theings that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

My hope is in You

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:7)

As my Father, You ask me to wait... You've made that clear. Anything I've tried to figure out on my own in my life this far, I've just screwed it up... or You've let me know that You want something different by throwing me some sort of curveball. This last one hit home. And right now, it stings. It hurts... it doesn't feel good. But, You ask me to obey You, and I guess at this point, it's all I can do. Because everything else is so unclear and I have no idea what anything means, all I can do is cling to what I know is true... and that is You,

Abba, help me to do that. Help me to trust You, and to wait on You. Help me to trust that everything will be okay, and that You've already got it covered.

As Your child, I'm gunna try to do that. I'm going to try and trust You... trust that Your going to give me guidance and clarity. But I need Your help.

I know You are good. I know You love me. I know You have not led me here alone and You will always be in the boat with me... right alongside me. You promise to never leave Your children... be with me when I am brokenhearted, and show me Your comfort. I need You more than ever right now.

Thank you for Your sovereignty and for Your love.

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough.

Let me not be put to shame...

Everything's changed, and I want to believe
There must be a reason, there just has to be
Cause my faith is strong, till it all hits home
And it's not enough for me to trust
When it hurts too much

I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. (Psalm 40:8)

Father this is my desire, to honor You... to do Your will... to follow You all the days of my life.

But I'm scared out of my mind. I don't truly know or understand what this means. You've changed what I've thought was a path... You've thwarted this path. And I don't know what to do anymore.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame...
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Psalm 25:1-5)

Abba, guard my heart... guard my heart.
Help me cling to what I know is true.
Otherwise I have nothing else.

Good and upright is the Lord...He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness... (Ps. 25:9-10)

I have no idea what You want with me, and with my life. I have no idea what You have planned, and I don't know when I'm going to learn that You are God, I am not, and I can only see a part of the picture that You are painting. But it's painful and I have nothing left. I have nothing left but to hold on to you. I need Your strength because I cannot do this on my own! Take my hand and remind me that You're there, holding on to me. Lord, can You remind me of Your love? I need You to show me. Remind me that You are always there... in the boat with me... carrying me through each storm that I trudge through.

Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you. (Ps. 25:20-21)

Father, it is Your arms that I fall into. Hold me close, because I am quick to forget that You are there. Dry these tears, put strength back into my bones, and put the broken pieces back together - these broken pieces that You somehow intended on fitting together in the first place.


Where is the power, to give what I gave?
Give back the strength
Give back the faith I had yesterday
Cause you are my God
You are my Great I Am
And I know I have fallen but..
I have landed in healing hands

Elf Yourself!!!

So, I was bored today and made this video.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in such a long time...
:):):)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Freedom

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
-Galations 5:1

I am just really amazed by this verse. It's amazing to me that my God - my Jesus loves me for absolutely nothing. I think sometimes people get a skewed view that there's some sort of price to go along with such an awesome gift. We live in a society today that says that nothing is for free. Everything costs something. There's always a catch because nothing could be that great.

But Jesus tells us that all we need to do is believe that what He says is true:

I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.-John 6:47

I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.-John 11:25:26

This world is satan's advocate to tell us otherwise... to tell us that we need more in order to earn favor with God - to earn His acceptance... in order to gain salvation. He tries to tell us these things so that we feel guilty, so that we think it is an impossible task - something that is unattainable... never to be reached.

But it's a lie. In fact it's quite backwards from what the Word says... from what God tells us. Because, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. :)

His gift is free to us, and is absolutely amazing. Nothing else is like it.

He gives us this free gift because He loves us so much, and because He wants us to be His little children... He wants this gift to be free because He wants us to go to heaven. He wants us to live with Him on those streets of gold, and dwell with Him forever!

He wants us to experience this:
"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." -Revelation 21:3-4

What a loving Father... that He would send His only Son to die for us... His free gift to us because He loves us and wants us to be His. How beautiful...

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

Everyone needs to watch this...

Discomfort

It's been a while.

I'm listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, and it's wonderful. I love Christmas. Since I was born in December, I think I'm natually just a sucker for Christmas music, snow, Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, Charlie Brown, sappy Christmas movies, and making Christmas cookies. I'm a Christmas bum... I'm okay with it.

Earlier this afternoon I was sitting at my laptop looking at my schedule for next semester, planning out each day of the week like I usually do, just to get a feel for what my schedge is gunna look like to see if I need to make any changes. I'm not sure what to do anymore. In figuring out my schedule for next semester and looking ahead, it just doesn't look appealing to me. It's overwhelming. I know that I've never felt secure about this major. In fact, I've always felt a bit more uneasy than sure about it. I feel as though God has shown me more about life than more about my major in these last few years. I have learned so much about the heart of God, and that there's still so much that I need to learn, and so much that I will learn in time.

In college I feel the one thing God has really revealed to me and shown me is a desire to help touch people's lives and show them that there is a hope that they don't know about - especially those that have never heard the Gospel before, or those who have never truly understood it or have been given that chance to make the decision to follow Christ, or simply - to want to learn more about Him. I feel like God has formed my character and my heart in college, way more than anything else - way more than my comfort. After all, comfort would mean that I would know exactly the path for which my life is going to follow. Comfort would mean that I would feel secure right now in my major - in music - and in my life. Comfort would mean that halfway through my junior year, and at almost 21 years old, I would have a career path definitely in sight. But if I were comfortable, would I be stretched? Would I be allowing God to be at work in my life if things always seemed to be completely under control, and if I had a glimplse of everything down the road that was going to happen? I don't think so. If I was comfortable, these monstrous migraines also wouldn't be a part of my life. Everything would be perfect.

The bottom line is that God is at constant work, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. It's okay if things don't make sense to me right now.
He promises me this:

"Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then you too will abide in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that he made to us - eternal life... eeryone who has been born of God overcomes the world." -1 John 2:24-25 & 5:4

He also says this in the Old Testament:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -Jeremiah 29:11-14

For the first time it's all making perfect sense. I have overcome this world (as uncomfortable as I feel right now), because of the incredible love of Christ, and His blood that has already been shed. But for those that don't know this same love that I do, they have not overcome the world and don't have the same joy and the same hope that I have to look forward to. And their discomfort in this world looks a lot different than mine. I guess this is why I want to show people Jesus, so that they can see that living life each day is worth it, even when it doesn't seem like it is sometimes. I guess my discomfort right now is just a mere chapter in the eternal life story that God has for me, so it's okay to not have everything figured out (because God does), and it's okay for me to be uncomfortable for a little while for His sake, so that His love might be shared.

Ultimately, He knows everything, and I do not. He is sovereign, and I am not. He knows way more about my life than I do, and He knows way more about my well-being and my heart than I do. So if He's going to rock my world right now with this major, then it's okay. Even though it looks a little bit rocky, it's going to be okay. I know I can take comfort in knowing that in the long run He's got it. And I know that if this migraine thing is still going to be persistent, then so be it. God's using it anyway, and working something out in my life and in my heart.

I know that God uses every circumstance - every aspect and everything that happens in my life for a reason. Everything that happens shapes my character, and shapes my heart for His good, pleasing, and perfect plan - and amdist the discomfort, in the long run, it's totally worth it, even though I don't understand it.

Father, guard my heart and guard my mind and show me that all I need is your love. Protect me from the father of lies as he tries to invade my heart with things that aren't true. Abba, penetrate my heart with Truth. Penetrate my heart with your love.

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough


Oh the Devil's singing over me,
an age-old song
that I am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently, over me
he's forgotten the refrain:
Jesus saves!