Botanical Gardens

On Sunday I went up to MSU for two days. I needed to get away for a little bit. On Monday morning, I was able to go into the Botanical Gardens and read the word and journal. It was wonderful. It was exactly what I needed, to re-charge my batteries and to get the right perspective on things.

I love East Lansing. I love it on campus. I love Michigan State. I love Adam's field, and I love the Botanical Gardens. I love west circle. I love community. And I miss it all.

This summer has been really hard. I think I've gone through every emotion, except for joy. And this is supposed to be what I live in every single day. Since I know Christ, I should be able to live every waking moment of my life with the perspective of eternal Joy. But once again, I have fallen short. But what I'm finding out right now is that it's okay. The only way I would have joy always, and no sadness at all, is if I was perfect, which I am not - nor will I ever be or claim to be.

In the last ten weeks of my life, I have spent my time wallowing and being angry with God. I've been angry with the circumstances of this summer, and I've been angry that the Lord would allow me to fall back into old habits, and that He would allow me to run from Him in the complete opposite direction. But I'm figuring out that it's what this whole free-will thing is all about. He has the reigns, but I have the decision and I have the choice. He doesn't want a robot for a child. No parent does. And as much as He wants me to love Him, and as much as He wants me to choose Him all the time, He wants me to mean it with my heart. He wants me to love Him and live for Him, because it's with my all. And, though I may run, and though I may be angry, these seasons only last for a little while, as my loving Father pulls me back to Him, and gives me a taste of the love I have been running from. This is called grace. Grace is what has saved me. And once again I have realized this, and I am eternally grateful that I am His, and He will never let me go.

Abba, thank you for holding on. Thank you for instilling your love and your heart within me, so that deep down I know that you are my God, and I am yours.


My grace is sufficient for you...
-2 Corinthians 12:9