The End.

So, it's literally been forever since I've posted in here. But, I think this may be the end of this blog... at least for a long time. I looked at the first post I put in here, and I couldn't believe that it had been such a long time ago. So, since college has been done for a while now, I feel like it's time for a change...

For those of you that are interested, I have a new one that I started a few months ago. Here's the link:

http://mjbuts.blogspot.com/

I'm not sure how good I'll be at actually updating it, but we'll see =]

It's been a good run...

Random

Yikes! It has sure been a while since I last wrote in here. I'm a terrible blogger. Ahhh well.

I'm going to update this thing fast, and then probably update more later. I forgot my journal, and I'm sitting here in a Starbucks before class is about to start, and I'm making myself quit support-raising stuff for a little bit right now and think about other things...

This summer has been quite challenging. As I've been raising support to intern at MSU this coming fall, it has definitely had its rollercoaster moments... it's funny how one moment during this process I can feel really awesome, and then the next, I can feel completely overwhelmed, like everything is out of control.

But something I came across today was this:

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. -Colossians 1:16-17

I encourage anyone who might stumble across this to read Colossians 1, all the way through. It's awesome. Actually the whole book of Colossians is awesome. But, I was especially encouraged by the first chapter today.

My God holds everything together. It's the bottom line. It's simple, but it's true, and I need to believe it and apply it to every aspect of my life. I need to apply it to the truth that the Lord says is true about me. The lies I listen to are lame. I need to apply it to what God says is true of Himself, and the Love He has for me.

I could go on...

Anyways. This is random. Just needed to write down my thoughts, because I didn't have anything else.

I've gotta run to spanish now. Only two more classes of my undergraduate career, ever... yesss.

Peace.

Midterms :(

Dear Midterms week,

This one is already turning out to be rough. I don't like you. I just want to go to PCB... now.

Love, Melissa


Lord, I need you to get me through. I'm really struggling right now... I'm tired, I'm exhausted, and my head's been hurting a lot. Help me to rest in you. Help me know that my soul can rest in you, amidst life's craziness. I know this in my head. Help my heart to know this, and to rest in you.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." -Psalm 62:5

Grace

I find that sometimes some of the best ways I meet with the Lord are through music. I came across this amazing song the other day called, "My Beloved" and it basically sums up what God has been teaching me lately. I think I love this song so much, because there's so much truth in it, and so much truth in the word that backs all of it up.

“My Beloved” - Kari Jobe

You're my beloved (Psalm 139:1-3)
You're my bride (Isaiah 62:5)
To sing over you is my delight (Zephaniah 3:17)
Come away with me my love (1 John 4:10)

Under My mercy (1 Peter 3-8)
Come and wait (Psalm 39:7)
Till we are standing face to face (Revelation 21:3-4)
I see no stain on you (Ephesians 2:4-9)
My child (1 John 3:1)

You're Beautiful to Me (Colossians 3:12)
So Beautiful to Me

I sing over you My song of peace (Zephaniah 3: 17)
Cast all your cares down at My feet (1 Peter 5:7)
Come and find your rest in Me (Matthew 11:28-29)

I'll breathe My life inside of you (Psalm 139:13-17)
I'll bear you up on eagle's wings (Isaiah 40:30-31)
And hide you in the shadow of My strength (Psalm 27:1)
I'll take you to My quiet waters (Psalm 23:2)
I'll restore your soul (Psalm 23:3)
Come rest in Me and be made whole (Psalm 33:22)

You're My beloved (Jeremiah 31:3)
You're My Bride (John 3:29)
To sing over you is my delight (Zephaniah 3:17)
Come away with me my love (Lamentations 3:22-24)


After I heard this beautiful song, I went and found passages of scripture that I thought best went with each of the lines of this song. Now when I hear it, it's even more powerful, because I feel as though God is directly affirming these truths to my heart. Lately He's been teaching me a lot about grace... that even though there's so much I feel is wrong with my heart - so much ugliness, and so much I feel that needs to be fixed, He still looks at me stainless. He's always working on my heart, and doesn't look at me any differently because I'm His child. And all He asks is that I come to Him amidst my busyness and through the "Martha moments" in my day and sit at His feet, and He'll take care of it all. I just need to stop trying so hard.

Father, I thank you that you enjoy it when I come to sit at your feet. You want me to spend time with you, and you want me to experience all of your love, joy and splendor that you have to offer. I thank you that you are constantly working on my heart and have so much grace for me, when I have very little grace and patience for myself.

The Stand

I'm going to update this later with more, but I wanted to put this down quickly before I forgot...

I have a new favorite song that was played at Christmas Conference. It's called "The Stand" by Hillsong United.

Here are some of the lyrics...

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

I couldn't figure out why I cried every time we would get to the chorus of this song at the end, but then I realized this: The words of this song are so amazing, because it represents a child of God standing completely surrendered to Him. It's an amazing picture.

There's a lot I know I need to learn, and I know that there's a lot I need to surrender to the Lord, especially in these next few months. One thing I've been learning more and more is that this life is not my own, but the Lord's. He loves me, and He's going to take care of me.

Father, help me to understand that.

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

Woah. I am not a good blogger :) When was the last time I did this thing? September? Sheesh... Just thought I should update this thing since next week I'll be done with my second-to-last semester of college... (My goodness.)

I feel like a lot has happened since the last time I updated. Last time, I was just moving into my dorm room, I was completely overwhelmed by all the change that was taking place, and I needed the Lord to just show me that it was all going to be okay.

Well, He's definitely done that... this year has definitely proved to be totally different than the rest. At times it's felt really uncomfortable, and I've been forced out of my comfort zone often more times than not. I've been pushed into situations in which I feel completely weak, but in those situations, He has been proven strong (after all, this is the point, right?) He's shown me that His grace is sufficient in my weakness, because His power is made perfect this way... (2 Cor. 12:9) This semester has also been a blessing, as I have met so many new people, and have been able to pour into them and share life with them and form new relationships. I love it here, and I feel so blessed to be a part of something so great in West Circle...

Right now I'm listening to the song "The Shadow Proves the Sunshine" by Switchfoot, (everyone needs to get their new album by the way... in case you were wondering!!!!) and it's awesome, because I feel like it's a direct representation of what the Lord has constantly shown me in my life. I feel like in the valley, and in the midst of any type of trial, it's when He's done the most work in my life - I've just needed to be patient and have faith... its what this whole thing is all about. I've just needed to be reminded that life isn't all over when I'm in that spot that doesn't feel good... that I can't just "cop out" when I feel like giving up, because God is constantly making me into the second man - into the likeness of His Son. It's all a process, and I just need to be patient.

This week at bible study, we were looking at a passage in Acts - specifically chapter 13, where Paul and Barnabas basically go all over the place, because they are sent by the Lord to share the Good News of Jesus. Throughout this passage, there are several whose eyes are opened, and several that come to know Christ as their personal Savior.

In verses 38 and 39, Paul says this:

"Therefore, my brothers, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you. Through him everyone who believes is justified from everything you could not be justified from by the law of Moses."

We talked about justified meaning, "just as you have never sinned."

It's funny, because as I was leading a discussion this last week in life group, I felt like I learned more from the girls who came. (And, I feel like this semester, I've been learning more and more from them as the weeks have gone on...) I felt like they really understood the message Paul was portraying here in Acts... that God has looked at us completely spotless, and He has forgotten our sins (Hebrews 10:13-17). Once again, I'm reminded of how amazing Grace really is!!

I feel like I was really convicted because recently I had literally written in my journal of all of the ways that I had been failing - in friendships, in school, in carrying out the Gospel, in temptation to sin, in relationships, in ministry, in giving Him my future, etc.... and I was just sitting in it! But doing this was a sin in itself! I am justified by Christ and made clean, and I don't have to feel bad and have a pity party for myself when I screw up... His love is enough for me.

I need to remember this, and I need to trust Him and BELIEVE Him when He tells me that I am justified, and guilt-free.

Because of His Son, I'm free, and I no longer am bound by the chains of my trespasses. Praise God for this amazing gift!!

Father, I pray that you would help me to remember your truth all of the time, so that I might walk in your freedom always, with Your love radiant upon me. Thank you for this amazing gift, and thank you for constantly lifting me out of the valley, and holding on to me, even if I am on the verge of copping out. I'm so grateful for your faithfulness when I have so little faith. Your grace is pretty amazing.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. (Galations 5:1)

Change

A few weeks ago, I moved back to East Lansing. It was a rough day, because I had to move my stuff into my room by myself, and I wasn't super excited to be moving back in the first place. I think it was just overwhelming to think that senior year was actually happening, and that things were going to be a little different this year. I've never really done well with change. Even when I was a little girl, my parents told me that I used to get upset when we did things differently than what I was used to.

As I was lugging my things up and down the stairs and was struggling and dropping things all over the place, I finally sat down on my un-made bed and started to cry. I think it was a combination of things, but this idea of change, and things being different has really never sat well with me. I know that this year, there's so much "un-known" that I don't know about, that I'm going to need to trust the Lord with. There are so many securities that I've had in the past that I can't run to anymore - again, with this whole trust thing. I know that I've never had to trust the Lord as much as I'm going to have to trust Him with this year. It's going to be a process. I think it's going to be really cool. I'm just glad He's a very patient God.

Since that first day, I'd say that it's been quite a rollercoaster of emotions. I've been excited and nervous as preparation for the year have come into play, and then when it actually began last Wednesday, I'm not sure if it actually hit me. I don't think it's actually hit me yet. There's been quite a few times when I've wished I could be fifteen again because I don't want to grow up, but then there's also been times when I've been so excited because I love West Circle, and God's already working. One of my best friends came and visited earlier in the week who'll be leaving for a year-long internship out of the country. It was so good to visit with her, but so hard with the goodbyes, and again, especially the change.

That first day I moved up to school I was walking by West Circle and had my ipod on and the song "Revelation Song" came on. I feel like God really used that song to remind me of His sovereignty. The lyrics of the chorus are:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is, and is to come. With all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings. You are my Everything, and I will adore You."

I feel like God was trying to tell me that yes, the world and everything in it constantly change. This is a fact. In fact eventually all things in this world will pass away (Matt. 24:35). But, He is constant, God never changes, and His love is neverending. This hit me hard, and I was comforted, because I know that in essence through everything, the Lord is the One I can always run to and He's never changing, unlike everything else in this world. I love it. The change in my life is okay. It's good, and I'll get used to it - because it's God's plan, and people need to hear the Good News.

I'm reading Acts right now, and I'm so encouraged by the Apostles, how they consistantly perservere, that in times when the "stuff" gets in their way, they constantly find a way back to the root of why they're actually living, and what their sole purpose is/was. They were pursuers of men and women, helping to carry out the word of God and watching it all unfold. They were faithful, and relentless, and true soldiers of the Lord, knowing what it truly meant to live for the sake of the Gospel and give nothing less than to love Jesus, and love people.

I often wonder what my life would look like, or how it would look differently if I lived it in this way, and trusted Him in this way. Far too often I find myself and my mind wrapped around the "stuff" of my life. And when I think about it truly, people's lives - people's souls are just far too important and fragile for me to be thinking about myself. My life and "stuff" doesn't nearly compare or ever matter, because I already know the Truth, and so many more need to hear it. I need to be less selfish.

I want nothing less than to be used by You as Your instrument, to bring You glory, and to help spread Your word throughout the world, and throughout campus. This is my prayer.

Trust

So, I'm really bad at blogging. I used to write in here all of the time, but then I don't know what happened. I let like three months go inbetween posts. My last post was right after summer project. I feel like that happened a long time ago. What an amazing time of my life, that I will never forget...

I'm sitting here in a hotel lobby in Menominee, Michigan. I'm on vacation right now. It's my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary, and my Dad's side of the family is here - all of my grandparent's kids, their kids, and their great-grand children. It has been one of the true highlights of my summer. It's been amazing to see everyone again, after ten years. I was eleven the last time we were all together. I love my family to death, and I wish everyone lived closer together. It's going to be so hard to leave on Monday.

I'm supposed to be doing homework right now, because it's all due tomorrow by midnight. I've been doing homework every day on this trip. In the grand scheme of things, I'll have taken twelve credits this summer so I can graduate by May. It's really hard to be motivated right now, especially on vacation, and I feel like I'm already getting senioritis. The more time goes on, the more I'm realizing I don't know myself, but rather, that my identity is found in Him. God has revealed that to me this summer more so than ever before in my life. So why is it that I still have such a hard time trusting? This word, trust - it's thrown around all the time, but I don't think I actually know what it means. Otherwise I still wouldn't doubt the Lord, doubt His purpose for my life, doubt that His plan is perfect, and doubt that whatever it is that He has for my life - it's going to be amazing, and far greater than anything I could ever imagine.

Ever since I changed my major in January, (to something that doesn't quite make sense) and stopped denying the fact that I don't want to be a music teacher, and really don't have a clue what's going to happen after May, my life turned upside-down. Everything in my life up until this point had been so easy... all of the steps had just been there set out in front of me. Seriously, my life was easy. This whole idea of actually relying on the Lord was foreign to me, and I thought I was actually "stepping out of the boat" by switching my major, and that God would miraculously reward me and show me what to do next by flashing neon green lights at me. Well, that's not exactly how it works, because if that were the case, well, then I think He would have told me by now. ;)

It excites me to know that He could do anything with my life in the next year. It excites me to know that in a year from now I KNOW that I will know what to do next, because God's gunna reveal that next step for me. But, how much do I really trust the Lord? Do I really trust Him at all? Am I willing to drop everything and really follow Him? What steps am I really willing to take in order to pursue after His own heart?

I know He will use anything to form it into His plan for my life, but I also know that I can't sit around and just wait anymore. It's time for me to actually start taking this whole "faith" aspect and put it into play. I need to start actually taking steps, and rely on the Lord, watching what He does. It still amazes me that the Creator of the Universe takes any interest in me at all - let alone has this relationship with me... so maybs it's about time I start trusting.

I need prayer, and I need to pray for my heart. I need to pray against lies and for protection, because I know the tendancies I do have - tendancies of timidity, and apprehension and doubt... and I don't want to lean toward those anymore or fall into any of satan's schemes.

I know God's got my back, I just need to believe in my heart that He is truly going to provide for me. I'm so glad His grace is always there for me.

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word. -2 Thesselonians 2:16

San Diego

God changed my life in ten short days. I was "supposed" to go to Africa... or so I thought, but that all changed when I felt the tug of the Lord at my heart. He revealed to me how perfect His timing really is, when He changed my life in a little city in California. I am absolutely amazed. Who knew?

A brief synopsis...

You have changed me. You have not only given me an amazing experience of a lifetime, but You have changed the way I think, You have changed my character, and You have changed my heart from the inside-out. I could feel my heart changing all week long, but I think the kicker came when those girls accepted Christ on Saturday. I could see how badly they wanted hope, and when their eyes were opened to the hope that could be found in You, it was absolutely incredible to watch. She understood that nothing else could satisfy her except for You, and Your love. And that is just such a miracle.

My heart changed that day, because I want to be able to share with those seeking hope and satisfaction in this world. I want to be able to show them about my Father's love, the love that has never stopped satisfying me, and since following Him, has never disappointed me.

Father, for the fist time in my life I think what I'm saying is that my heat and love for the lost, and the sense of urgency I feel in my heart for them is far out-weighing my fear. And I've never been able to say that before in my life until now. It's only by Your work in my heart that you've made this transformation in me. Thank you for turning my apathy into a heart that not only desires to serve You, but will go because of the urgency and love You have placed on my heart.

I trust You fully, that You will provide that next step for me, and direct my paths. You have amazing plans for me - this is true. I just need to trust You along the way, too. I think I've been looking too far ahead. Carly is right, I need to start taking steps, and You are going to guide me. By just sitting and waiting, I'm not tuly trusting, but rather, worrying about it. And You tell us "not to worry about tomorrow, because today has enough trouble of its own." You tell us "not to be anxious about anything..." because ultimately, it's all under control. You're not going to mis-guide me, and You're not going to let me stray. So, I guess I'm in pretty good hands then. Help me cling to that truth. Help me run to Your word, and run to prayer, and run to you first before anything else. You know me best, and You know everything est, so why wouldn't I? I'm excited to see what You have in store, Father for this year. When Doug was talking about all of us "being sent" last night, I couldn't help but think about MSU - West Circle. You've placed me there for a reason. I ask that you would make this fourth, final year there diffeent. Help me to truly reach out to people on my floor, and to my unbelieving friends. Jesus, you sat with the poor, and the sinners, and the tax collectors - the people that needed to hear Your truth. I pray that I, as well as those around me would share that same heart. I pray for opportunities to share the Gospel with them. Thank you for choosing us to carry this out.

Thank you for choosing me to go to San Diego. Thank you for changing my life, and for changing my heart. Thank you for showing me how perfect your timing is.

Thank you for loving me so much.

Let Your Love Be Enough

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in You.
-Psalm 39:7

I realized how long it's been since I last wrote in here... almost four months in a couple weeks. Last time, I was in the midst of changing my major - big step of faith for me. Once I realized I had such a tight grip on my future and wasn't giving God the reigns, I knew I needed to let go and give Him full control. I knew music ed. wasn't it for me. I've known this for a long time, but just wasn't willing to step out of the boat, because I knew it would lead to the 'unknown' part of my life...

And so fast-forward to now. I'm sitting here at 1 in the morning and I can't shut my mind off. I should totally be asleep. It's already been one heck of a week, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed with everything going on around me.

Yesterday I bawled my eyes out in my car. I wore sunglasses in the store to cover my face up. And then on my way back to my dorm, I cried a lot again. I usually never cry. I find myself quite overwhelmed with everything right now. School is really difficult right now, and I'm struggling. I can't go to class when the migraines get really painful, and they've been really persistent lately. Really amazing friends are graduating, and I'm finding it really hard to grasp how things will be next year. Zambia didn't work out for this summer, and it's looking like summer projects are full now. I'm believing lies - lies that God can't use me because I have migraines. Why is it that when life seems so hard to handle, do I let it remain that way in my head, and I let myself forget who's in contol?

I need to focus on the simple truths that I know of God... that He loves me, that He's sovereign above everything that I could possibly imagine, that He looks at me and sees me as His spotless lamb, because He has washed away all of my sin - all of this crap that I keep carrying around. He really has incredible Grace for me. I keep forgetting that.

I think if anything this semester, God's definitely been teaching me how to wait and trust Him. I've never really had to rely on Him for absolutely everything in my life. Well, now I do. As I sit here - futureless without Him, graduating from college in a year with no next step in mind, going home again this summer (not the original plan...), and with the migraines as persistent as ever, I know that I absolutely need my Father more than ever. He's the only one who'll provide discernment for my next steps, and I know that He's the only one who'll provide me comfort when I need it, while I'm sitting here waiting. I just need to remember that always, because I'm so quick to forget.

Father I need you. I need Your love to cover my brokenness.

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the Boat

It's all starting tomorrow. I don't know what to expect, and at this point everytime I think about how much I don't have any clue as to what is going on in my life anymore, the more anxious I become. What happened to all the plans? What happened to the simplicity of getting a degree and finishing school? Obviously God's got another plan. I guess what I'm learning is that even when I do have something in mind, God has something in mind too, and that isn't always in alignment with what I might want or think is right. And, either He's making it absolutely clear to me now that He wants me to do something different, or He's seeing if I'll put my trust in Him. Maybe He's seeing if I'll actually have a little initiative... a little bit of faith like Peter did, and test those waters and step foot out of the boat, and trust that my Savior is going to catch me and cover me. A good friend recommended that I read a book called, If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the Boat. At the point of life I'm at right now, I thought it might be interesting.

There's a part that struck me. In Mark's version of the story of Peter, it says that Jesus "meant to pass by them." (Mark 6:48) In this book, the author points out that "to pass by" is used in the Greek Translation of the Old Testament, and this is what it means: Defining moments when God made "striking and temporary appearances in the earthly realm to a select individual or group for the purpose of communicating a message."

"'God put Moses in a cleft in a rock so Moese could see 'while my glory passes by.' ...The Lord passed before him."
God told Elijah to stand on the mountain "for the Lord is about to pass by."
There is a pattern to these stories. In each case God had to get people's attention - through a burning bush, or wind and fire, or walking on the water. With each person God was going to call them to do something extraordinary. In each situation the person that God called felt afraid. But every time that people said "yes" to their calling, they experienced the power of God in their lives."

Right now, I'm afraid for what is to come. I'm not really sure what God's doing, and it doesn't feel good in the least bit. I think that one thing I'm learning right now is that when I'm in the valley, it's when God's doing the most work. When I'm humbled, it's when God can do the most work - and He's going to follow through and eventually show me what's going on. I just have to wait, and keep clinging to what I know is true about Him.


Father, my prayer in all of this is that you protect my heart and make it joyful to glorifly you. In the midst of it all, make me joyful and overflow with happyness so that the love of Christ shines through me, so that others can see you. That is what you call us to do. Paul did it. You sent your son, and HE did it... the greatest gift of all... and now I am here for that reason, to share that goodness - in sickness... in health... in suffering... in pain... in mountaintops, and in valleys. Lord, you are my hiding place. You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Ps. 32:7) Fix my eyes on you.

This is what your word says...

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
(Isaiah 43:19)

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.
Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
(Psalm 25:1-5)

Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.
(Psalm 25:20-21)

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:7)

So Father, help me believe it all... to forget the lies and believe the truth, and to trust that you are with me. This is my prayer. My hope is in You.

Back to the land of Green and White

So today's it... in a couple hours I'm heading back to school to start another semester - my sixth semester at MSU... where things are complicated, and I have no idea where my path is leading. I've enjoyed these last four weeks of rest and carefree living. I guess life can't be put on hold forever...
I'm scared out of my mind. I have no idea what to expect at all. All of the things I have to do - people I have to talk to, and different options I now have to weigh and make decisions on... I have no desire to do any of it. Part of me wants to run. I know He has a plan in the midst of it all, but that doesn't make any of this feel any better or any less scarier. I'm twenty-one years old and my world has been turned upside-down. MOst people know at least what they're going to get their degree in by now. Without the faintest idea, because of constant roadblocks, it's just so discouraging. And the biggest question is, how am I going to bring my Father glory in the midst of all of this? I need to. I'm called to do it. He is worthy of it. I need to pray for it.

Abba, I just need you to fill me in with all of this, somehow. I know you will, but please, do it quickly because I seriously feel like I'm drowning in it all. Help me not to freak out... Right now I'm freaking out. You know how scared to death I am of this, and you know how much I've been trying to avoid even the slightest thoughts of any of this. Keep me in your arms. I don't want to do this, but I know that I have to. Keep me safe... "Let me not be put to shame." (Ps. 25)
Keep showing me that your love is enough.
My hope is in you.

I am BLESSED

Last night I spent two and a half hours writing in my journal of ways that I am blessed. There are many, and so I thought I'd share, because the Lord is good, and He never fails to show this...


*I have a healthy, loving family

*My parents are christians, they raised me this way, and even though I didn't quite grasp it till later, I still heard about Jesus, knew that He loved me somehow, and I grew up going to church every Sunday

*I go to college - a university, and I stand in the 1-percentile of college-aged students in the world who actually get this opportunity.

*I am part of a wonderful organization in Cru... where I have never quite experienced fellowship like this before - whos mission is to truly "go forth" and share Jesus with those around us, whether that be on campus, in our homes, in our communities, in our classes, at work, around the United States, and around the world - wherever that may be.

*I am absolutely blessed to live in West Circle - to have the sisters I do, to be able to experience the Body of Christ in the way that I am able to - it has been incredible. I am truly blessed.

*Life Group - growing in Christ as a small group of girls

*Discipleship - Learning more how to share faith, learning what it means to love and pour into others

*Worship Team - Learning what it truly means to help lead people into the presence of God... we're not "just musicians," but used as God's instruments/His tools...
*Having the opportunity to learn what it means to truly worship Him while being on the worship team, learning to completely surrender and not think of playing worship music as a perfect "performance," but rather - a song of praise to the Father, who deserves all praise and is worthy of all praise.

*Christmas Conferene - Having the opportunity to go and hear the different speakers and listening to the different things God was saying through them; getting the opportunity to share the Gospel for the first time; getting the opportunity to go into Indianapolis and share Christ's love with the people that lived there - the people that so desperately need to hear His voice and know that there is Hope; being able to meet with God at a time in m life where I feel very lost and confused with what I should do with it... being surrounded by my closest friends and sisters, and being able to worship our Father with 2,500 others around Michigan, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois - so amazing!

*Having the Hope of Jesus Christ in my life. Knowing that despite my insufficiencies, and in spite of all of my fears and failures and all my sins, He's always going to love me. Knowing that I'm going to always fall short in everything I do, but it's okay because Jesus fills up those gaps that I leave empty. Knowing that right now, I have absolutely no idea what He is doing in my life, or with my life. But all I can do right now is wait, and with His Hope, just know and expect that whatever it is, it's going to be awesome, and it's going to be just right... becuase it's going to be what He wants for my life. Whatever He's got planned, it will all make sense one day, and my heart will be in the right place - just as my Creator... my God created it to be.


Abba, help me not to forget that I am so blessed! You have given me so much, including the greatest gift, which is your son... the gift of everlasting life. What greater gift of love than this? And now, you as me to wait. Help me to be patient. Help me to hold on to your simple truths - You've got this all under control - You're in the boat with me - You're not gunna leave my side - You love me - You're God and I can't possibly understand everything You do - You love me... Your love is everlasting.

*So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the theings that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

My hope is in You

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:7)

As my Father, You ask me to wait... You've made that clear. Anything I've tried to figure out on my own in my life this far, I've just screwed it up... or You've let me know that You want something different by throwing me some sort of curveball. This last one hit home. And right now, it stings. It hurts... it doesn't feel good. But, You ask me to obey You, and I guess at this point, it's all I can do. Because everything else is so unclear and I have no idea what anything means, all I can do is cling to what I know is true... and that is You,

Abba, help me to do that. Help me to trust You, and to wait on You. Help me to trust that everything will be okay, and that You've already got it covered.

As Your child, I'm gunna try to do that. I'm going to try and trust You... trust that Your going to give me guidance and clarity. But I need Your help.

I know You are good. I know You love me. I know You have not led me here alone and You will always be in the boat with me... right alongside me. You promise to never leave Your children... be with me when I am brokenhearted, and show me Your comfort. I need You more than ever right now.

Thank you for Your sovereignty and for Your love.

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough.

Let me not be put to shame...

Everything's changed, and I want to believe
There must be a reason, there just has to be
Cause my faith is strong, till it all hits home
And it's not enough for me to trust
When it hurts too much

I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart. (Psalm 40:8)

Father this is my desire, to honor You... to do Your will... to follow You all the days of my life.

But I'm scared out of my mind. I don't truly know or understand what this means. You've changed what I've thought was a path... You've thwarted this path. And I don't know what to do anymore.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame...
Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. (Psalm 25:1-5)

Abba, guard my heart... guard my heart.
Help me cling to what I know is true.
Otherwise I have nothing else.

Good and upright is the Lord...He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness... (Ps. 25:9-10)

I have no idea what You want with me, and with my life. I have no idea what You have planned, and I don't know when I'm going to learn that You are God, I am not, and I can only see a part of the picture that You are painting. But it's painful and I have nothing left. I have nothing left but to hold on to you. I need Your strength because I cannot do this on my own! Take my hand and remind me that You're there, holding on to me. Lord, can You remind me of Your love? I need You to show me. Remind me that You are always there... in the boat with me... carrying me through each storm that I trudge through.

Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you. (Ps. 25:20-21)

Father, it is Your arms that I fall into. Hold me close, because I am quick to forget that You are there. Dry these tears, put strength back into my bones, and put the broken pieces back together - these broken pieces that You somehow intended on fitting together in the first place.


Where is the power, to give what I gave?
Give back the strength
Give back the faith I had yesterday
Cause you are my God
You are my Great I Am
And I know I have fallen but..
I have landed in healing hands

Elf Yourself!!!

So, I was bored today and made this video.
I don't think I've laughed so hard in such a long time...
:):):)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Freedom

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
-Galations 5:1

I am just really amazed by this verse. It's amazing to me that my God - my Jesus loves me for absolutely nothing. I think sometimes people get a skewed view that there's some sort of price to go along with such an awesome gift. We live in a society today that says that nothing is for free. Everything costs something. There's always a catch because nothing could be that great.

But Jesus tells us that all we need to do is believe that what He says is true:

I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life.-John 6:47

I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.-John 11:25:26

This world is satan's advocate to tell us otherwise... to tell us that we need more in order to earn favor with God - to earn His acceptance... in order to gain salvation. He tries to tell us these things so that we feel guilty, so that we think it is an impossible task - something that is unattainable... never to be reached.

But it's a lie. In fact it's quite backwards from what the Word says... from what God tells us. Because, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. :)

His gift is free to us, and is absolutely amazing. Nothing else is like it.

He gives us this free gift because He loves us so much, and because He wants us to be His little children... He wants this gift to be free because He wants us to go to heaven. He wants us to live with Him on those streets of gold, and dwell with Him forever!

He wants us to experience this:
"Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." -Revelation 21:3-4

What a loving Father... that He would send His only Son to die for us... His free gift to us because He loves us and wants us to be His. How beautiful...

The father of lies
Coming to steal
Kill and destroy
All my hopes of being good enough
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

The devil is preaching
The song of the redeemed
That I am cursed and gone astray
I cannot gain salvation
Embracing accusation

Could the father of lies
Be telling the truth
Of God to me tonight?
If the penalty of sin is death
Then death is mine
I hear him saying cursed are the ones
Who can’t abide
He’s right
Alleluia he’s right!

Oh the devil’s singing over me
An age old song
That I am cursed and gone astray
Singing the first verse so conveniently
He’s forgotten the refrain
Jesus saves!

Everyone needs to watch this...

Discomfort

It's been a while.

I'm listening to the Charlie Brown Christmas album by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, and it's wonderful. I love Christmas. Since I was born in December, I think I'm natually just a sucker for Christmas music, snow, Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, Charlie Brown, sappy Christmas movies, and making Christmas cookies. I'm a Christmas bum... I'm okay with it.

Earlier this afternoon I was sitting at my laptop looking at my schedule for next semester, planning out each day of the week like I usually do, just to get a feel for what my schedge is gunna look like to see if I need to make any changes. I'm not sure what to do anymore. In figuring out my schedule for next semester and looking ahead, it just doesn't look appealing to me. It's overwhelming. I know that I've never felt secure about this major. In fact, I've always felt a bit more uneasy than sure about it. I feel as though God has shown me more about life than more about my major in these last few years. I have learned so much about the heart of God, and that there's still so much that I need to learn, and so much that I will learn in time.

In college I feel the one thing God has really revealed to me and shown me is a desire to help touch people's lives and show them that there is a hope that they don't know about - especially those that have never heard the Gospel before, or those who have never truly understood it or have been given that chance to make the decision to follow Christ, or simply - to want to learn more about Him. I feel like God has formed my character and my heart in college, way more than anything else - way more than my comfort. After all, comfort would mean that I would know exactly the path for which my life is going to follow. Comfort would mean that I would feel secure right now in my major - in music - and in my life. Comfort would mean that halfway through my junior year, and at almost 21 years old, I would have a career path definitely in sight. But if I were comfortable, would I be stretched? Would I be allowing God to be at work in my life if things always seemed to be completely under control, and if I had a glimplse of everything down the road that was going to happen? I don't think so. If I was comfortable, these monstrous migraines also wouldn't be a part of my life. Everything would be perfect.

The bottom line is that God is at constant work, and it's okay to feel uncomfortable. It's okay if things don't make sense to me right now.
He promises me this:

"Let what you heard from the beginning abide in you. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, then you too will abide in the Son and in the Father. And this is the promise that he made to us - eternal life... eeryone who has been born of God overcomes the world." -1 John 2:24-25 & 5:4

He also says this in the Old Testament:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." -Jeremiah 29:11-14

For the first time it's all making perfect sense. I have overcome this world (as uncomfortable as I feel right now), because of the incredible love of Christ, and His blood that has already been shed. But for those that don't know this same love that I do, they have not overcome the world and don't have the same joy and the same hope that I have to look forward to. And their discomfort in this world looks a lot different than mine. I guess this is why I want to show people Jesus, so that they can see that living life each day is worth it, even when it doesn't seem like it is sometimes. I guess my discomfort right now is just a mere chapter in the eternal life story that God has for me, so it's okay to not have everything figured out (because God does), and it's okay for me to be uncomfortable for a little while for His sake, so that His love might be shared.

Ultimately, He knows everything, and I do not. He is sovereign, and I am not. He knows way more about my life than I do, and He knows way more about my well-being and my heart than I do. So if He's going to rock my world right now with this major, then it's okay. Even though it looks a little bit rocky, it's going to be okay. I know I can take comfort in knowing that in the long run He's got it. And I know that if this migraine thing is still going to be persistent, then so be it. God's using it anyway, and working something out in my life and in my heart.

I know that God uses every circumstance - every aspect and everything that happens in my life for a reason. Everything that happens shapes my character, and shapes my heart for His good, pleasing, and perfect plan - and amdist the discomfort, in the long run, it's totally worth it, even though I don't understand it.

Father, guard my heart and guard my mind and show me that all I need is your love. Protect me from the father of lies as he tries to invade my heart with things that aren't true. Abba, penetrate my heart with Truth. Penetrate my heart with your love.

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough


Oh the Devil's singing over me,
an age-old song
that I am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently, over me
he's forgotten the refrain:
Jesus saves!

Baptism

I'm getting baptized on Sunday. I'm really excited.
I've been wanting to be baptized for about a year, and so I'm happy to finally have the opportunity to do it.

About a year ago, I dedicated my life to Christ. After a season of many questions and doubts about God, I was finally able to surrender and give everything to Him, and to live my life for Him. In the last year, He has revealed Himself to me through His love, and He has shown me just how in control He is of all things. By becoming a daughter of Christ, I have been completely transformed and He is continuing to teach me new things every day. He has placed people in my life at school, and they have become such an important part of my life – people that are a family because of the common bond that we have in Christ. I have people in my life who love me, and who challenge me on a daily basis – pointing me to God’s Word, and to ultimate truth, because they love me, and they love Jesus. I am encouraged to live my life in a Christ-like way because of their example.

I know that God is at work in my life because of the way that my heart is completely changed from how it used to be. Prior to following Christ, I was really selfish. I lived only for myself, and I lived to achieve my own goals and run my own life. I have a heart for people now. I want to live the rest of my life for Christ, so that I can share His unconditional love with those who haven’t experienced His love, so that they can see that there is a hope far greater than anything they’ve experienced. A hope that is worth living for each day, that gives a purpose to each and every life in this world. I want to live in a way so that everyone can see His love.

The reason I want to be baptized, is because I want publicly proclaim this commitment I have made to Christ. Now that I have made the decision to follow Him, and I have been called His child, I want to show the world that I am His, and I am committed to Him and His good, pleasing and perfect plan. He has done so much in my life in just a year’s time, and I am so excited for what He has in store for the future. I can see that everything God has done has been in His perfect timing. Just like it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11… He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that He loves me so much, and He loves each and every one in this world. Jesus is my strength and my refuge, and without him I am nothing.

I have a 10-page paper due tomorrow. I've been working on it for a week and a half. Earlier this evening, I went to go open it up on my computer, and it was completely gone. I don't know how it got deleted, but the document it was in was completely blank. There weren't any tears, because I think I was just in complete shock. So here I am at 2am... the paper should be done. On top of it, I'm applying for advanced standing tomorrow, and have a mountain of music theory homework left to do. I don't think I'm going to get any sleep tonight. I'm exhausted and it's going to be a long night... my goodness.

Father, give me strength. I have absolutely none.