Things

This is my first post in here. I've had a xanga and a livejournal since I was in high school. I just thought it was time for a change.

Right now I'm listening to the song, "I need to Praise You" by Kristy Starling...

Everything's changed, and I want to believe
There must be a reason,
there just has to be
'Cause my faith is strong,
till it all hits home
And it's not enough for me to trust
When it hurts too much

On the days I feel like I've failed you
The days I feel I've been failed
I need to praise You
For I am Yours, I'm Yours

A good friend showed me this song last week. I've been listening to it a lot ever since. It shows how much we need to turn to God all the time - whether that be when things are going well, or things are going crappy. I need to listen to the lyrics of this song more carefully, because things in my life right now aren't exactly stellar. One thing I think God's trying to teach me right now is to rejoice in my suffering - to rejoice in the Truth of Him, and to rejoice in knowing that I am going to heaven, I am His, and He has saved me. That should be enough to get me through each day, and the other things that come along shouldn't make me stumble, and they shouldn't cause me to become sad, or anxious, or stressed.

I'm getting ready to go back to school in a little bit. My things are packed up, and I'm going to drive back so I can work on my research project I neglected all of break. I always get really excited to go back to MSU... I just love it there. I love the community of girls that have become my family in west circle. I love having a christian roommate, and I love having accountability right down the hall if I need it. A couple of those girls have become my older sisters, whom I look up to - people I can go to with spiritual advice and questions - girls who are more mature than I am in my faith. God has created quite the community there. It's pretty incredible. I think I'm going to be a little sad when this year ends. I know God has something else in store for next year, but a couple good friends are graduating, and since we spend so much time together and we have fellowship together it's just hard to imagine life without them there.

I'm excited to hear about all of the trips that people went on - between Panama City Beach, Chicago, and Turkey, I'm anxious to hear the things that God taught them. It'll be cool to hear stories of the ways God worked this week. I wish I had gone on a spring break trip. I felt like this break was really frustrating, because I didn't do a whole lot. I spent the entire break working up courage to talk to my parents about summer project, and the reasons I want to go on it, but I still didn't. Everytime I was about to and had enough guts to actually face them, they would say something, or something would happen that would cause me to close up and get frustrated with them. Satan was definitely at work this week, and I'm not sure I did everything in my power to prevent him from succeeding. I've let him knock me down one too many times, and it's time I actually started sticking up for myself, claiming the name of Jesus upon him. I don't do that enough and I can tell, because I do find myself feeling pretty defeated and feeling insignificant and inadequate, more-so than I ever should. Satan can be a pretty good liar sometimes.

I went to the doctor to get my head checked out this week. All the results and bloodwork came back normal, so technically there's no explanation as to why I've been getting migraines and headaches for three solid months. My doctor says to stay away from caffiene and chocolate... that was disappointing. I guess there's no hope for me in the morning anymore... haha. I'm just going to have to monitor these headaches and hope they go away eventually.

Alright, I guess this is good enough for a first post. I need to get dressed now and drive back up to school.

Lord, I need you. I need you to fill the every longing of my soul and make me whole again. I love you. Thank you for this day, and thank you for giving me this life. Help me to make you part of my everything, and help me to love you more than I do right now. I want to surrender my entire life - my entire being to you. But I need you to help me. Lord, I need you.