packing up

I'm sitting here in my room... it's so weird. I've been packing it up all day. I needed to take a breather.

Last night was fun. It was a nice conclusion to the year. Ice cream was fun, and hanging out in my room afterwards... and then Ihop. That was... interesting at 2 in the morning, but fun nonetheless. It was a good time of forgetting about everything, and just fooling around, and enjoying each other's company. I love times like that.

Now, everyone's pretty much gone. It's pouring rain outside, my car is at beaners and I need to go get it soon so I can pack it up and then drive home. I'm here packing, and it's not going so well. I hate doing this. I hate having to move everything. I just want to stay, and be content, like I've been all year. I don't want to go home. And I didn't want to say goodbye to people and I don't want to leave here for the summer. I don't see what this summer has in store. I don't see it at all. I hope I don't end up doing what I know I'm capabale of doing... by sitting and not growing. By being content with not growing at home, like I've done my entire life. I'm afraid. I don't want to do it. I don't want to be faced with the challenge that I know I'm going to be faced with, starting tonight when I roll into Farmington Hills. This is the first time I'll be at home, where I've been walking with the Lord. And now, it'll be a challenge to actually continue walking with him - it'll be hard to not get into the old habits. I don't want to face this challenge.



Lord, I feel really helpless right now. I don't want to do this. Help me to know that you're here with me right now, because I feel really, really alone.